Learning the Art of Receiving

Why is it so hard to receive?

When Woman Unleashed came out and I started to receive feedback and praise for the book, I often struggled to really accept the compliments and found myself almost automatically deflecting these accolades. Observing my tendency to dodge the spotlight and try to quickly move past praise led me to ask myself why I was struggling to receive this positivity. 

Woman Unleashed holds an energy of strength and empowerment, but this was largely birthed from a softness and vulnerability that created the space for a reclamation of power and the invitation to step into your truth. Feminine energy is fluid, internal and receptive in nature, so why do so many women (myself included) struggle with receiving praise, love or other offerings of kindness?

Sharing very personal parts of my own story left me with a vulnerability hangover after the book was published and in the hands of my readers. Allowing myself to show up and be seen in this way was a part of reclaiming my own power and helped me to root into my courage and freedom as a woman. But, it also made me feel exposed, and there was a part of me that just wanted to hide from the world and protect myself.

As we develop in our younger years, modesty and humility are celebrated and we’re taught that it's unbecoming to be proud. Without even being fully aware of the way these messages root deeply into our consciousness, we often carry them with us for years to come; over time, we come to believe that it’s noble to give and self-centred or arrogant to receive. 

We’re also very future-thinking as a culture and motivated by a drive to continually move forward, so we don’t often adequately reflect on our accomplishments before moving on to the next thing. This momentum can take us out of the present moment and prevents us from fully receiving and acknowledging what we’ve achieved, no matter how big or small. Endless seeking and striving makes it difficult to be exactly where we are and accept the feedback, support or gratitude that we’re being offered in the moment.

We are all worthy of being honoured and celebrated, and when we share our gifts with the world, we more than deserve the gratitude that comes with those offerings. However, even while we may know this to be true, stepping into that space of receiving can still be very challenging for many of us.

How can we practice the art of receiving?

• acknowledge the gifts you’ve received from others and understand that we’re always in the natural relationship of both giving and receiving in all areas of our lives

• know that this is a process and a practice - allow yourself to do the work without expectation

• have reverence for your experience in its entirety (this helps us to both give ourselves grace and acknowledge all of the beauty and power we inherently possess)

• remind yourself that you don’t need to carry the weight of your own story into every moment

• let go of a desire to control the narrative and make space for the other to share their own experience with you

• tap into your courage when you feel the twinge of shame

I was listening to a talk with Jay Shetty a while ago where he was reframing the way we receive praise. He suggested that rather than bearing the weight of full ownership for an accomplishment, we think about someone in our lives that contributed to some idea, lesson, or element of growth in our personal experience. In this way, we give credit to others in our lives who have influenced us and have been an important part of our story, and the compliments suddenly become easier to accept. Sharing the praise (even when it’s just an internal experience) not only makes receiving feel less overwhelming, but also helps us feel more connected to our community and reflect on feelings of love and appreciation for those who’ve made an impact on us. Sometimes a simple shift in perspective can be so powerful. 

While all of us contain both feminine and masculine energy, it’s the masculine that is more concerned with doing and achieving, while feminine resides in a space of being and receiving. When you’ve done the important work and birthed your gifts into the world, allow yourself to be fully present for any love and appreciation that’s redirected to you. 

Try this meditation practice to create more open and receptive energy for yourself:

• Find a safe, comfortable and quiet place where you can be alone (do your best to ensure you have the time and space for uninterrupted meditation)

• Bring yourself into a comfortable but supported position (this can be seated or lying down)

• Take a deep breath in through your nose and hold this breath for a count of three while bringing your awareness to your heart centre

• Open your mouth and exhale completely, doing your best to let go of any feelings of doubt, fear, or shame

• Repeat this breathing exercise for at least 5 rounds of breath, or whatever feels valuable to you

• Resume normal breathing (that doesn’t require thought or effort) in and out through your nose

• Bring your awareness to the crown of your head, then very slowly shift it down the length of your body

• As you move through this body scan, notice if you’re holding tightness anywhere - do you feel any strain or contraction? Are you holding your muscles tightly? (A very common place we tense and contract is in the jaw!)

• Observe the places you seem to hold tension and direct your exhalations to those areas with an offering of love and softness

• Bring your right hand to your heart and your left palm to face upward

• When you feel calm and centred, repeat these affirmations to encourage more receptivity:

I am worthy of love and gratitude.
My gifts are meaningful to others.
I honour myself and all that I’ve done to be in this very moment.
I AM OPEN AND READY TO RECEIVE.