Your Self Care Roadmap

This month at Divine Elements, we’ve been talking all things self care - the statistics, challenges, misconceptions and practices - to help you set a foundation for taking care of yourself in a more loving, intentional way. In this post, I offer more tips and tools for creating a solid self care routine along with a roadmap to give you the best chance at success with making these important changes in your life.

In order to properly care for yourself, you have to truly value yourself. One of the top roadblocks to starting and maintaining a healthy self care practice is a lack of self love. If you consistently deprioritize your needs or don’t see your health and wellness as a worthy investment, it’s very unlikely that you’re offering yourself adequate care. When you’re ready to begin a self care plan, it’s important to start by nurturing the relationship you have with yourself.

4 strategies for mastering self love

In a recent episode of the Health Ignited podcast, we shared four strategies for mastering self love. The conversation started by reframing the mainstream idea of self care; rather than thinking of this time as a luxury or only involving the extravagance of spa days, we need to remember that self care includes our daily habits, small acts of compassion, and the way we talk to ourselves. 

Creating a sturdy framework for the appropriate environment to cultivate self love involves a practical investigation of the mind and the heart and how we show up in conflict or challenges. Having this structure in place gives you a safe space to reflect on your thoughts, feelings and actions with radical honesty and compassion.

1. Boundaries - whether or not we’re conscious of it, we begin navigating boundaries at an early age. Much of our relationship to boundaries is developed in childhood through the behaviours modelled to us, and the nature of our attachments in these early developmental years will largely impact the way we perceive and approach boundaries as adults. 

   The first step in strengthening our boundaries is inquiry. How often do you feel empowered/disempowered? Do you feel seen and heard? Do you struggle to say no? Are you putting yourself in uncomfortable or harmful situations because you’re afraid to upset someone? Do you feel respected? Are you comfortable voicing your feelings?

   Humans are wired for connection, and this means our desire to feel accepted and loved sometimes clouds our judgment when it comes to setting and reinforcing boundaries.
   

   The truth is that saying no can be an act of self love, and it’s a necessary part of developing and maintaining healthy relationships.

   
   One of the most powerful steps in resetting boundaries is taking a pause. So many of our responses arise unconsciously and stem from old wounds or unhealthy patterns. Taking a step back to observe your reaction before responding gives you the space to ask yourself whether you’re living in accordance with your values, and an opportunity to step into more intentional living. 

   Setting healthy boundaries for ourselves is just as important as the boundaries we have with others. Sometimes we make choices that don’t serve our best interests (whether they stem from addictive patterns, conditioning, ego drives, fear, insecurity, etc) and these behaviours are reinforced when there’s a lack of awareness or resistance to making changes. 

   Adopting a “pause practice” - especially in difficult situations - nurtures a healthy emotional response and empowers us to live authentically.

2. Solitude - How comfortable are you with being alone? Solitude can be very challenging for many people but it’s a necessary and transformative element of self care. It’s incredibly easy to distract ourselves in such a busy world, even when no one else is around; streaming services and smartphones have ensured that we never need to be alone with our thoughts if we don’t want to be. 

   Solitude fosters an intimate conversation with the self and allows you to be really honest and clear about what you’re feeling, what’s serving you or harming you, what might be holding you back, and what’s most important to you. Self inquiry gives you an opportunity to better understand yourself and claim the life you want to live. This journey of self discovery helps you begin to untether yourself from restrictive beliefs, unhealthy choices, and destructive thought patterns and step into a more authentic and connected version of yourself.

   Like all self care practices, this one is difficult to maintain if we don’t schedule it into the calendar. First, consider what a typical day or week looks like for you (what time you wake up and go to sleep, work hours, family responsibilities and other engagements, mood and energy changes, etc) and determine a time slot that gives you the best chance at incorporating some solitude into your day. Eliminate distractions and spend your time in reflection or doing something that uplifts you.

3. Taking responsibility - While it can be uncomfortable for many of us, taking personal responsibility is an act of compassion and courage. It’s a necessary part of self care that asks us to be vulnerable and honest with ourselves and others to cultivate more love and freedom in our lives. It also keeps us accountable and helps us to live more in alignment with our values.

When you take responsibility for your words and actions, you’re upholding a standard of owning what’s yours and letting go of what isn’t.

This practice is powerful and expansive in that it helps you connect to your truth and your place in the world while also encouraging the same behaviour in others; it fosters understanding and forgiveness for yourself and others and encourages honest, open communication.

Authenticity is rooted in self love, and taking responsibility - while probably not the most exciting self care practice that comes to mind - is an effective way to nurture that relationship.

4. Honest communication - This goes for the way you communicate with others, as well as the way you talk to yourself. While it might not be intentionally deceptive or manipulative, dishonest communication can also look like people pleasing, repressing feelings, or not using your voice to advocate for yourself and others.

We have a natural tendency to shift into self-preservation mode when we feel challenged, which unfortunately often manifests as shutting down or reacting defensively. In these moments, taking a pause will allow you to move into a space of self responsibility and honest communication to soften the energy and invite in more compassion and understanding.

Quite often, we hold back in fear of conflict; we don’t want to upset the status quo and would rather just swallow our feelings so we can keep the peace and move on. Learning how to communicate more honestly and openly may take some time (and will definitely take courage and commitment), but it’s a path toward more self respect and trust as we continue on our self love journey.

You can probably see how each of these four strategies are connected and build upon one another. Because they often feel challenging and might require big mindset shifts, they can easily be overlooked when we think about our self care needs. Self love and awareness are foundational parts of building an effective self care routine and necessary for getting clear on your needs and intentions to help keep you on track.

Removing toxic influences

We’ve talked a lot about developing our practices and building a self care routine, but an important part of this is what we choose to leave behind. Letting go of thought patterns and behaviours that don’t support your growth will nurture relationships with yourself and others, but there may also be toxicity in your environment and relationships that need to be removed.

Think about your health and wellness as energetic currency, but the balance can be depleted by both input and output. As we interact with the world throughout the day, the body is being taxed by environmental toxicants and stressors. While we detox naturally every day, an accumulation of toxins over time makes us less effective at this process and compromises our resilience in dealing with future challenges.

Take this process of elimination in smaller parts: start with one room in your home and remove products and items with any potentially harmful ingredients or impact. When you’ve created a “clean” and safe space there, you can shift your awareness to any relationships in your life that might be contributing to your toxic load. When you’re committed to growing and caring for yourself but a toxic relationship consistently challenges or prevents this, you’re doing yourself a major disservice by keeping this energy in your life. In last week’s Divine Elements Blog post, we explored the Toxicity of Trauma, which may be helpful in understanding the mental and physical impact of trauma and chronic stress over time.

Starting fresh

Now that the heavy self love lifting is done, it’s time to start dreaming up the daily and weekly practices that will support, uplift, center and calm you. Maybe it really is time for a spa day, or perhaps just a short afternoon walk. Your self care routine should be consistent, but also flexible and varied. Make a list of the things that bring you joy or make you feel grounded, and start scheduling time for yourself into your week. Remember to nourish yourself with balanced nutrition and healthy sleep hygiene, and you’ve got all your major self care bases covered.